Obscured

Wind all morning, low pressure pulling air with forced gusts out of my house, pressing shades against the windows as the whole atmosphere creates a vacuum. Sun obscured by high gray clouds, threatening, mildy, rain, perhaps. But maybe not. The sun cracked through for a short glimmer and disappeared again. The air is as dry as yesterday and Saturday, but this morning it has stayed cool, radiation absent in sufficient levels to bring it up. It flattens the colors, yellows the greens and brightens the rest. Not washout, but paler than the stark blues of the sunlit day. Fall again seems immanent, although the tomato has only just begun to fruit and the squash has only just begun to flower. I was told they would catch up in good weather, but I think they have fallen behind, or the weather is confusing me. Some days there apear clear baselines and regular patterns; other days, who can say what is to be seen? This mass hypnosis, mass psychosis, culturally sanctioned individualism that disconnects the individual from that which lifts and supports and affirms and creates. I am not my body, I am not this Earth, I do not need awareness or sense of place because I am the only one, singular, battling against the rest of life, so unknown to me, so unusually interested in such other things besides me. I will dress better and drive faster and speak louder and take more, lest some one senses the fear that drives me. I will obscure my own existence by building artificial walls of sound and structure never imagined by the life, and only constructed to hide the secret that each of us hides. I am not my shit or my piss, I do not consist of bones and flesh and systems beyond my ken. I am only me, singular, alone, fighting the good fight for life. I am spirit, then, and only one, this one, aware here of my needs and my wants and my fears, disconnected. These are the lessons we learn.

And sadly untroubled, disgest with our morning news. Five to the head from the once unarmed bobbies. No apologies. Innocents must die that the guilty feel fear. These are the manifestations that follow.

How long to re-learn what is actually true?